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03 August 2007 @ 05:50 pm
New to Fanfic  
Hello all!
I'm starting to write fanfic and I need some help.  I'm writing mostly in the BSG fandom so anyone familiar with it who can take a look at my stories (I have two so far) and give feedback would be wonderful.  I need help specifically with cannon details mostly, but general editing for flow, style, and grammar would also be great.  Posted below is my first one.  I'll post the other one separately.  Below a cut for cleanliness.

Title: Slightly More than Worthy
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Characters: Dee, OC - mention of Lee/Dee
Rating: PG, but nothing really terrible
Spoilers: through S3 for safety
Disclaimer(s): Not mine.  I'd be insanely rich otherwise.  Since I'm not, its probably a pretty good indication.  No infringement meant.  Just writing for fun.  Please - don't sue me.  My dog wouldn't like going to jail with me. 

The bile rose in her throat nearly choking her.  Lee was working for Baltar.  Even worse - Lee was defending Baltar.  She wants to spit on him.  Her own husband was helping the man who wiped out 12 worlds, billions of people. 

Suddenly she was 18 again.  Dee had been of age on Sagittaron for two years, but she had refused to marry the boy her parents had arranged for her.  For 2 years she had waited patiently to be of Colonial age.  That morning had been hot and unyielding as though the physical world was aware of how it would go.  Her mother had quietly told her she was no longer her daughter.  From that day forward she would never remember her Ana had been born.  Her mother never looked up as she left the room.  Sebastian Dualla, however, stood his ground. 

'Papa.  I'm going'

'I can see that.  This is not the path of the Gods.'

'No, Papa.  This - ' gesturing toward the room.  '- is not the path of the gods.  We're wrong.  Serving to protect people, using medicine to save lives is the best way to serve the Gods.  Can't you see, Papa.  Our ways aren't the right ones; maybe they never were.  The Gods wouldn't want us to let babies die, praying all night when the only thing they need is a little medicine.  I won't do it anymore.  Its a sin.'

Seb's voice was dangerously low.  'The only sin here, is my daughter turning her back on her people; on her family to serve those who left the Gods' path.  They poison themselves, calling it a cure.  In the ultimate insult they rain down their own destruction by creating the Cylon abomination.'  His eyes, the same color as her's, cut straight through her as they had done so many times during her childhood.  'They are Godsless,' he hissed. 

'You're wrong!' she shouted.  'You're wrong!  Don't you understand?  Agape died!  She's gone!  She didn't have to.  The doctor lives just down the road, but no.  All we could do was pray, burn the sacred smoke and pray.  You said it was the will of the Gods if she lived or died!  It wasn't their will!  It was yours!'  Big fat tears rolled down her cheeks now.  She didn't bother to wipe them.  'Do you have any idea how frakkin' easy it would have been to save her!'  Seb moved forward with a speed that belied his tall, broad body and slapped her.  The sound echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls. 

'You will not profane in my house!' he roared.  Dee looked up at him and felt the final connection between them snap almost palpably.  She pulled herself up straight.  Seb seemd to pull himself back together.  'Agape was my daughter; not yours.  It was the Gods will.  Had she been meant to live, she would have.  The Gods would have seen to that.  Even though she was young, she would have been saved.  The Gods wanted her back.  That's all.'  They both fell silent. 

Finally, Dee broke the silence.  'You are the profane one, Sebastian Dualla.  Every single day I think about her.  Do you?'  Seb opened his mouth, but Dee pressed on.  'She was only 7 months old.  You know how old she would be now?  Her birthday was last week.  She would have been five.  Five years old.  You killed her.  She could have been saved.  You killed your own child.'  The words hung in the air.  Abruptly Dee turned picking up her bag.  With her back to him she said 'I can't live with my sister's murderer any longer.'  Anastasia Dualla walked out the door and never looked back.

Deep down, Dee knew Baltar had murdered all those people on all those worlds.  She loved her husband, and probably always would.  But she hadn't been able to live with a murderer then.  She wasn't going to now.
Sitting at: home
Feeling: hopefulhopeful